Your Weekly Dose of Clarity

 "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." Most of us have heard this expression. Its positive connotation is to encourage us to ignore people who say mean things—a good concept, but not easily done. In fact, I've spoken to many physically abused victims who have shared a jarring truth: "I'd rather be hit, because those wounds will heal a lot faster."

While that expression might be a useful tool for children, as we get older, we recognize the visceral impact that negative words, criticism, and contempt can create. Words can leave behind division, pain, self-doubt, and rejection. They can create mental wounds that take far longer to heal than any physical injury.

The Heart's Overflow

There's an old scripture that says, "out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." This suggests a direct, powerful link between our inner world and the words we choose to use. When we prioritize good mental health, we are more likely to cultivate a "good heart"—one filled with kindness and compassion. Guarding our hearts from negativity helps us speak life and positivity into others.

This isn't just about what we say to others; it's profoundly about our own well-being. By nurturing our mental health and protecting ourselves from negativity, we are better equipped to be a force for good in the world.

The Ripple Effect: Kindness vs. Contempt

Negativity spreads, but so can positivity. Remember the "pay it forward" trend? People performed random acts of kindness for strangers with no expectation of return. These small acts created a beautiful chain of compassion. When we pour kindness into the world, we create connection and acceptance. We recognize our shared human experience and remember that we are not alone.

On the other hand, when negativity spreads, it breeds distrust and isolation, severing the human connection. Isolation breeds anger and a tragic loss of empathy, perpetuating a destructive cycle. It's a stark contrast between building bridges and burning them.

The choice is simple, yet profound. We can either contribute to a world of isolation and distrust, or we can choose to be a source of positivity. By being mindful of our words and tending to our own hearts, we become powerful agents for connection, empathy, and kindness. Let's choose wisely. Let's choose to spread positivity.

You’ve heard the saying, "Good fences make good neighbors." I’d argue that good boundaries make for a healthy you. They are a reflection of your values and an essential tool for protecting your mental well-being. They help you define what’s right for you and shield you from manipulation and codependence.

Your most crucial boundary is the one around your own feelings. It's the simple truth that you can be happy when your partner is sad. It is not your responsibility to manage other people's emotions.  Nor are you to have the same emotions as your partner.  That is called enmeshment and is not healthy or helpful.  Empathy is when you are grounded and able to support someone from a place of strength, not be a mess with them.  Healthy emotional regulation comes from knowing where you end and another person begins. Trying to manage someone else’s emotions to help you feel better is an exhausting and futile effort that leaves you drained and sets you on the path to codependence.

Instead of trying to control other people’s feelings, use boundaries to empower yourself.  Healthy boundaries make it clear how you deserve and want to be treated, giving you the strength to provide encouragement and clarity to know when to stand up for yourself or walk away.

Set your boundaries. Protect your peace.

 In the news, we often hear a negative and inaccurate connection made between mental health issues and heinous crimes. This can make people dealing with common mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, and grief hesitant to get help. They may fear being judged or believe their issues "aren't that serious" and not worthy of professional support.

I'd like to challenge that perspective. Mental health is just like physical health. We see doctors for routine check-ups and especially when we feel chest pain, trembling, or unusual fatigue. We don't wait for a catastrophic health scare. Why treat mental health any differently?

Anxiety can feel like physical pain in your chest. Depression and grief can cause extreme fatigue and an inability to concentrate. If you don't feel like yourself, you deserve to get help. See a healthcare provider who can confirm the issue and provide relief.

Don't suffer in silence, thinking it's "not that bad." Be proactive. Get the help you need.

Mental health is overall health.

Newton’s First Law of Motion says a body in motion stays in motion, and a body at rest stays at rest, unless an external force acts on it. When you think about it, this applies directly to your mental health.

Our thoughts, perceptions, and feelings will continue down the same path without intentional effort. Counseling can be the external force you need to get your mind moving in a new direction. Change requires intention, effort, and sometimes, a little push.

If you're feeling stuck, depressed, or frustrated by old patterns, it might be time to seek help. Remember, it's not the leap, but the first small step that is the hardest, most important, and most rewarding.